weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
