My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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