Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
