I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
