Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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