I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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