I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
