What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
