Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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