Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
