when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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