At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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