Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
