I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
