dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
