Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
