so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
