Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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