I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
