Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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