do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
