I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bring me that man meat
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
