***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
