There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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