Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
