so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
