There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ketchup is God's man juice
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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