I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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