we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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