Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
