I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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