Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
