I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
