My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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