I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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