whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just want nice things and good sex
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
