Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
