Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
