Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Pooping to opera.
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