right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
