I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
