3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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