You smell like stripper and shame
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
