I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
