if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Mom said you looked used
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
