God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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