i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
