peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
