My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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