I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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