Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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