She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
