Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
