I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
