The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
