what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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