You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
