yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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