i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
