i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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