My nipple is on Facebook.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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