I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
