Will you blow on my dice?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
