i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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