Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
