We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
