i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ketchup is God's man juice
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
