Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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