First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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