Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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