I seem to have left my pride at pride
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
