Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
