You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
