I bet he comes in French.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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